Picture this: It’s a Saturday night, you’re all alone eating cold pizza, watching crappy television. Everyone else is out having a good night, and you’re home alone crying and using the tears as lubricant to masturbate with. Life couldn’t get any worse, right?
Wrong, you could be me. The picture above is of what is commonly known as a ‘female’. I’ve heard of them before, although I have yet to see or speak to one. But enough about that. If you’ve got nothing to do on this Saturday evening, why not join me as I list five perfect Metal albums that should brighten up your day.
So what are you waiting for? Make the jump in front of a car. I know I will soon.
Released in 1980, Heaven and Hell is an underrated classic if I’ve ever seen one. The songwriting was incredible, Dio injected new energy into the music, and the band were the most focused they had been since 1973’s Sabbath Bloody Sabbath. It may not be quite as ‘legendary’ as the early Ozzy fronted classics, but Heaven and Hell still proves to be one of my favorite Black Sabbath albums, as well as one of my favorite albums to feature the late Ronnie James Dio. From the brilliant ‘Children of the Sea’ to the undeniably catchy title track, to the beautiful ‘Die Young’, Heaven and Hell is everything that a perfect Metal album should be.
Recommended track: ‘Die Young’
I’ve only heard two Shining albums in their entirety, one being their new album (VII Född förlorare), and the other being 2007’s V Halmstad, but both albums manage to blow me away equally. At the moment though, it’s Halmstad that’s currently in my stereo. Fellow DoM writer Guido introduced me to this band, and I’m glad he did. Halmstad is a phenomenal Progressive black Metal album, that some have regarded as ‘The Opeth of Black Metal’, and let me tell you, the album easily rivals the best Opeth albums.
Recommended track: ‘Yttligare ett steg närmare total jävla utfrysning’
Sylosis‘ debut album marked a change in the band’s sound, from something that was closer in style to Metalcore seen in the band’s early demos, to a musical approach tied much more to a Thrash Metal sound. When the band blew onto the scene, they gained respect for their intense lives shows and impressive musicianship. Although the songwriting isn’t as strong as on the band’s sophomore record, Edge of the Earth, the band’s original vocalist had a much more impressive and dynamic range, that really adds something to Sylosis‘ brutal take on the Thrash genre.
Recommended track: ‘After Lifeless Years’
Your weekend wouldn’t be complete without a little bit of some Machine Head, and it certainly wouldn’t be complete without Machine Head‘s best album; The Blackening. That’s right, I said their best album. Not Burn My Eyes, not The More Things Change, but The Blackening. It may be ambitious, huge, and at times perhaps even a little pretentious, but the hard work and efforts certainly paid off, with the album being one of the greatest of the last 15 years. From the blistering opening opus ‘Clenching the Fists of Dissent’, to the brutal ‘Aesthetics of Hate’ to the epic ‘Halo’, The Blackening took the fan’s expectations and blew them apart. I also recommend if you haven’t got it already, the special 3 disc edition of the album. It features demos, live tracks, b sides and a live DVD.
Recommended track: ‘Aesthetics of Hate’
The latest album from Thrash juggernauts, Megadeth, was regarded by critics and fans alike as a true return to form for the and (although personally I think both 2004’s The System Has Failed and 2007’s United Abominations were also pretty good). What Endgame successfully achieved though, was to highlight that Megadeth are still very much in the game and aren’t anything close to being a shadow of their past. The album literally crushes, cracks skulls and takes grips your balls not letting go until the final second.
Recommended track: Head Crusher
