So, it’s another week and another awesome dose of our Friday Top 10 for you. Yes, it’s true, whilst everyone else is out getting laid, getting drunk and preparing for an awesome weekend, we’re here slaving away to provide you a Friday Top 10, in order to help make your weekend that bit more awesome. Aren’t we awesome? Yes, we are. Thank you for telling us.
And what do we have for you this week? Well, as 2010 has come to its end and we are now celebrating the start of 2011, what better way to celebrate, then have a good old bitch about the crappy parts of 2010? And that’s exactly what we’ll be doing. This week, we look back at the 10 worst albums of 2010. Enjoy reading after the jump mofos.
#10 – Slash – S/T
Slash fanboys (and girls) had been eagerly awaiting this one for a while, but not only was the cover atrocious, the music itself turned out to be equally crap. Slash seems to have suffered some kind of identity crisis, with guests varying from ” Metal legends” such as Lemmy and Ozzy Osbourne, to “Pop tits” such as that guy from Maroon 5 (remember them?) and Fergie. I mean Fergie, seriously? I get that Slash probably wants a diverse array of vocalists, but that’s no excuse for letting that strangled cat impersonator loose on a supposed “Metal/Rock” album. This is worse than Chinese Democracy.
#9 – Korn – Korn III: Remember Who You Are
I don’t know what’s worse; the fact that I sadly can remember exactly who Korn are, or the fact the band feel the need to remind me. Although this effort is no where near as bad as the, frankly offensive, last two albums, it’s still Korn. So what’s new? Well nothing really. That means we’re treated to more whining about being raped from Jonathan Davis, more slapping of low bass strings from Fieldy, and more power-chord riff-raff from Munky. The biggest problem though, is that this is being marketed as a “back to roots” album, but the band seem to be forgetting about 2/5’s of their original lineup. Perhaps they don’t remember who they are as well as they claim…
#8 – How to Destroy Angels – S/T
Trent Reznor, the “musical genius” right? Well wrong, because if that was the case, the man would have released something that was, at least, slightly listenable in the last 10 years. But he hasn’t. So what has the “oh so amazing” Trent Reznor come up with in 2010, without his Nine Inch Nails name? Well, he took the fundamentals of Nine Inch Nails, and took away his monotonal, 5 note range voice, and replaced it with a monotonal, 5 note range female voice. Wow, just wow, Trent Iz A GeniUs!!!1
#7 – Cradle of Filth -Darkly, Darkly, Venus Aversa
Ahh Cradle of Filth, the ol’ Cradle of crap. What have they offered in 2010? Well, they’ve done what they’ve almost always have done. A mish-mash of generic Black Metal influenced riffs, ripped-off Iron Maiden riffs and Dani Filth‘s usual ramblings, amplified via means of pig squeels. If you like your Metal dumb, simplistic and pathetically provocative, maybe you’d enjoy Cradle. Unfortunately, you’d also have to be about 13 years old, which I am not.
#6 – Serj Tankian – Imperfect Harmonies
For some reason, after System of a Down disbanded, the members have believed they are some sort of Gods, especially Serj. Unfortunately, they’re not Gods, and without SOAD, their music isn’t worth listening to. Upon my first listen of this album, I actually thought I may be listening to an ‘Old Macdonald’s Farm’ record for children, but it seems the simplistic music and goat sounds had thrown me off. And as if the shitty music isn’t enough, the arrogant, self-indulged Jesus Christ pose of the cover art makes me want to punch the CD case into oblivion.
#5 – Hellyeah – Stampede
If you thought Cradle of Filth were dumb, prepare your brain ready for this dumb-fest. Not content with already releasing one shitty album, Hellyeah some how managed to take the shittiness of the first album to an even lower level. To think that this band contains members of Pantera, Damage Plan, Mudvayne and Nothingface (well ok, less so Mudvayne and Nothingface), but the members seem more than happy to just release mediocre redneck inspired drivel. At least their dumb music matches their dumb name though.
#4 – Sully Erna – Avalon
If there’s one thing I’m thankful for in my part of the world, it’s that Godsmack were nothing more than a band that enjoyed 15 minutes of semi-success after jumping on the post-Grunge/Nu-Metal fad, with bands like Staind. Unfortunately, there are still parts of the world where Godsmack and Sully still enjoy success, which is proof alone that there is no God and a lot of people simply have no taste. Sully‘s first solo effort sees the man producing more by-numbers alternative rock in a similar vein to Godsmack, with acoustic guitars. I’d comment more on this album, but I have more interesting things to do, like wiping the condensation off my windows and ironing my shirts (very Metal).
#3 – Lordi – Babez for Breakfast
Unfortunately, I was one of the few people outside of Finland that had heard of Lordi before they gained some worldwide success (thanks mostly to winning the Eurovision song contest in 2006). They were shit back then, and they’re still shit now. What’s changed? From the sounds of this abysmal effort from those idiots in costumes, not a lot, other than a lame attempt of a power ballad. If you like all the worse parts of Kiss, Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie combined into one shitcan of an act, then maybe this album is for you, otherwise I wouldn’t bother checking out this crap.
#2 – Bret Michaels – Custom Built
I had to think whether I should even include this. Not only have I not listened to the so-called “studio album” in its entirety (come on, you can’t blame me), but there’s also a reason why studio album is written in quotation marks… It seems Bret Michaels is so eager to cash in, that he’s barely even filled this album with new tracks. Most of the album is full of remixes and “solo” versions of old songs. But let’s be fair here. This is Bret Michaels. It’s recycled garbage. And if you thought Slash working with Fergie was bad, just wait until you listen to the terrible collaboration between Bret and Miley Cyrus. So no top 10 worst albums list would be without this piece of shit.
#1 – Linkin Park – A Thousand Suns
Those that know me probably saw this one coming from a hundred miles away, but this seriously is the worst album ever, not just of 2010. People have said to me “oh come on, you’re so exaggerating” but I’m not. That’s the sad thing, this album is so bad, that yes, I would listen to Take That over it, and yes, I would listen to Lady Gaga over this. A Thousand Suns has 15 tracks. Know how many of those tracks are actual songs, as opposed to being short crappy interludes? 9. Yes, you read that right, fucking 9! So you’re probably thinking “oh but these will be long tracks, to keep it at least a decent length” but you’d be wrong. We all know Linkin Park are incapable of writing songs longer than 3 minutes and 30 seconds.
