Author Archives: Alex

Learn to make Loomis noise

Here’s the problem I have with Jeff Loomis of Nevermore and a lot of other guitarists like him. He’s obviously a gifted player and he can sound great. However, a lot of times he chooses to do those squeaky sounding sweeps which make you cringe and make the guitar sound like an out of tune, high-pitched piano played by an ADHD suffering retard with Down Syndrome who got kicked in the balls by a professional NFL player.

And this excerpt from his DVD is a prime example of that. Check out the intro (after the jump) and tell me if your ears aren’t bleeding. I can’t kick Loomis’ ass for making these awful sounds, cause he’s kinda famous, but you can pick up the DVD and learn to do them yourself, and rest assured, your ass I can kick… Bitch.

When asked if the bass knob on his amp was broken, Jeff Loomis had no comment.

Philip Krueger and Walt Disney

Phil Anselmo of Down, Pantera and a million other bands knows his horror films. Not as much as he knows his <insert drug here> but let’s not make stupid jokes. However, his main inspiration was apparently Walt Disney. What?

Recently, he sat down with none other than horror actor Bill Moseley to talk about God knows what cause I didn’t really read the interview. I did read the first question though, and it sparked my interest (not enough to read the whole thing, though, sorry)

“Believe it or not, the most influential album for me—when I was just a mere shrimp—was Walt Disney’s Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House. It was side 2. The first side is a narration. It goes into this wind and howling banshees! I kept the whole house up with it. I lived in the French Quarter, and there was music everywhere, but that one record with all the shrieks and groans was it for me. As a kid, I’d be imitating that stuff. I think that’s where I started using my voice.” — read the full interview here.

When asked if he puts on a blond wig and sings as Hannah Montana in weekends, Phil had no comment.

Someone has too much money

As we reported earlier, Metallica has auctioned off drum lessons and lunch with Lars Ulrich. We didn’t really think that would sell for more than $15, but guess what, someone paid $35,000 for it.

I hope they film this. I can’t wait to see the look on the poor schmuck’s face when he asks for a refund and they tell him it’s impossible.

I’m kidding, of course, as this money is for charity, and they raised a total of $8.5 million so that can’t be bad. Read the full article here and make sure to read the comments, as well. For a quick laugh, you know?

White Headlines

White Wizzard (pictured above) covered “We Rock” and then offered it for free download. You can get it here, but be warned, you have to sign up with your email. It’s a trick. Don’t do it!!!

The clown from Slipknot went to Sirius for an interview. Did he wear his stupid mask? Of course he did. Anyways, he pretty much says the band is moving forward without Paul (shocking, I know) and other stuff I didn’t really pay attention to cause I’m drawing tits in Photoshop. Watch the video after the jump.

“Married to Rock” is a new reality series that follows the lives of three “rock star wives.” These chicks are married to members of Velvet Revolver and Jane’s Addiction, so my question is, what rockers are they talking about?

Bret Michaels was on Ellen to talk about… wait for it… his ‘health.’ Didn’t see that one coming, did you? Watch the video after the jump if you still haven’t gotten sick of his ramblings about his stroke like the rest of us.

Murderdolls release new video

When Joey Jordison isn’t making awful ‘dum-dum’ noises with his drums in Slipknot, he’s making awful ‘chug-chug’ noises with his guitar in Murderdolls. So you can see why we’re sooooooo excited about this new video of theirs called ‘Chapel of Blood.’

But does it pass the AWESOME test?

– Quick, ridiculous and pointless cuts? Check.
– Machete-type colors? Check.
– Hiding their low-budget production under the “low-budget look” excuse? Check.
– Swedish girl walking around Los Angeles? Check.

%100 passed. View it after the jump.