Author Archives: Alex

Lady Gaga to replace Freddie Mercury?

According to Blabbermouth, pop sensation Lady Gaga may be Queen’s new frontman. Yes, she has a penis.

“Brian May is open to having Lady Gaga front the band. May revealed to London’s Daily Express, ‘We talk about going out on the road all the time but there’s a bit of a singer problem to put it mildly. We get a lot of offers to work with other people. I worked with Lady Gaga and she’s very creative and is someone we’ve talked about singing, fronting the band with. She’s not just a singer, she writes her own material.'”

Read full article here.

Lemme guess, she’ll sit behind the piano with a dress made out of Cheetos or something, and she’ll sing “Is this the real life, is is is this the the the real real real real real life?”, and everyone will go “wow, what a genius!”, and I will die a little inside.

Fuck this.

Might as well get Lil’ Wayne if you want an auto-tuned hack to take a dump on Mercury’s legacy.

God hates Australia

I don’t really believe in God, but it’s okay if you do (even though you’re wrong and gullible!). But if there is a God (hypothetically speaking, Dave), he clearly hates Australia, how else would you explain the terrible tragedy that is about to happen to them in 2012?

“Soundwave Festival 2012” is taking place around late February, and here are some of the bands confirmed: System of a Down, Slipknot, Limp Bizkit, Marilyn Manson, Lostprophets, and Hole (lol wtf?). I know, right?

God also hates Aussie metalheads, because Machine Head, Mastodon and other decent bands are playing, so metalheads will have to swallow their pride and buy a ticket with Limp Bizkit‘s name on it, just to see those bands. Terrible.

Tickets go on sale October 20 at 9 AM, so you know when NOT to buy them. The official site is here: do not click this.

It’s really sick to see what’s happening to Australia, an otherwise cool and peaceful country. Sorry, guys.

R.I.P. Steve Jobs

As you have undoubtedly heard, Steve Jobs passed away. I know this is a metal site, but we probably wouldn’t be here writing on it and you wouldn’t be here reading if it wasn’t for this man.

I was hesitant in posting about it at first, but I really think we should take a moment and offer our condolences to a true modern day genius who changed the world.

Whether you like Apple products, or you’re one of those assholes with an Android phone, who can’t afford an iPhone, so he shits on iPhones all the time just to let out his frustrations, you have to admit this man was brilliant.

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs.

Crazy Train and Honda sitting in a tree

Check out the commercial above. It’s actually kind of funny, but I really think they should have used a more popular song (I mean, popular for the masses, not for us metal people). If the message is ‘the car is so fun to drive, we all break out singing,’ surely they should have gone with an 80s pop hit or something, right?

The sad part is, those kids mimicking the instruments sound better than Ozzy‘s live show.

Good news: SOAD album not happening too soon

System of a Down, a band of Armenian immigrants who came to the U.S. to achieve a great level of fame and success, and then decided to just bite the hand that feeds and heavily criticize the very same country that gave them everything, are not releasing a new album anytime soon. Phee-fucking-ew.

When asked in a recent interview about it, drummer John Dolmayan had this to say:

“We’re gonna take it day by day. We still have a few more shows to do in South America […] and then we’re gonna home. We don’t generally work during Christmas and New Year’s — that’s a time for our family and stuff — so we’ll be home for the next three or four months. And then Serj takes off and goes to New Zealand for a couple of months. And then I think he’s got another solo album coming out next summer. So you might see SOAD touring next summer, you might not. But for the people who are waiting for an album — I know there’s a lot of people waiting for an album; I’m waiting for an album just like they are. It’s gonna happen when it’s right and when we can make something that tops what we’ve done in the past.“

Read full article here.

Awesome news, guys. So at the very best, they’ll start working on the new album around this time next year. Which means a 2012 with decidedly less bad music.

System of a thumbs up! — I know it’s a bad joke, but fuck you!