Author Archives: Alex

Eating bats is bad for your teeth

I’m here sitting in my hotel, having breakfast and checking the metal news, because a metalhead’s work is never done, not even when he’s away from home.

This is how you know you’re a loser, when even in a restaurant, you’re on your laptop, ‘blogging.’ But personal shortcomings aside, I ran across this piece of news about Ozzy which is pretty funny. Well, anything about Ozzy is pretty funny, including Ozzy himself (most of the time unintentionally).

So, two of Ozzy‘s front teeth fell out. I know, I know, I’ve only Photoshopped one, but it sucks making images on a dumb laptop, so you’ll have to bear with me.

Why did they fall out though? Bad hygiene? Too many bats? Sharon punched him? All of the above? I don’t know, and I don’t care, but every time I find a reason to Photoshop an Ozzy photo and make some bat puns, I do it. Even when I’m away.

So Ozzy, next time you try to bite the head off a flying mouse, at least chew some gum afterwards or something.

Happy Dream Theater drummer is happy

Dream Theater’s Mike Mangini (not to be confused with Mike Mangina, which is my porn name) is very happy to be in Dream Theater. I don’t blame him, I hadn’t heard of him before he joined this band.

“I’m stunned at the crowds on this tour. I really am having so much fun that I can’t wait to get back on stage. One more show: Budapest. As the rest of shows were, too, the Athens crowd just rocked the Earth all the way to Africa tonight. EVERY crowd has simply gotten the band’s message loud and clear and I’m so happy to be a part of all this joy.“

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Five Finger Death Punch are not ashamed

But they should be. Mainly of their music, but also of their name.

The new Five Finger Death Punch album, American Capitalist, apparently has a controversial title. I don’t think it is, do you? Maybe ‘American Communist’ or ‘American Nazi’ would be controversial, but what’s wrong with that one? Just because the U.S. is in debt? Please…

So Jason Hook — the guitarist, in case, like me, you don’t know who the fuck he is — had this to say in an interview:

“You know, it’s kind of like dog eat dog, it’s the survival of the fittest, and we’re sort of putting it out there as a positive thing. It’s like, we are American capitalists, we will divide and conquer, we will — we’re going for the throat and we’re not ashamed to say that.“

LOLWUT?

I’d be more ashamed of that quote right there than of any album title.

[Source: The Pulse Of Radio/Blabbermouth]

Evanescence will let you watch them

Are you 18 or over, live in Nashville and like Evanescence? Well, first of all, haha, your taste in music sucks! Secondly, you can win a chance to see them perform their new single for the first time. Amazing, right?

All you have to do is send an email here with your full name, age, address, email and phone number. Make sure you CC me so I can send a few used condoms your way, too.

If you’re wondering why I’m writing about this, well, I have no idea, just saw it as a good opportunity to laugh at this band again.

[ Source: Blabbermouth ]

Today’s Dose of Metal: Jaymz birthday edition

James Hetfield just turned 48, so I thought it’d be fitting to use this live clip of ‘Nothing Else Matters’ as today’s dose of metal.

This is actually a great performance of the song, from Big Day Out 2004. I wish they still sounded like that, I mean I get they won’t sound like in the 80s and early 90s, but at least early 2000s.

Then again, back then they used to perform ‘Frantic’ live, so maybe it’s better this way.

So enjoy this classic Metallica ballad, the one Metallica song every chick knows. I recommend learning it on guitar, too. It will get you laid. You’ll be fucking fat chicks in no time.