Author Archives: Alex

Metalheadlines: Kill me now edition

That photo above will give me nightmares for the following weeks. Boner killer.

Lady Gaga (pictured above) keeps trying to fool us into thinking she likes metal. She keeps using Iron Maiden‘s name, too, which is total blasphemy. We’ve heard your songs, bitch, the only thing metal about you is the cage I’d put you in, given the chance.

Devildriver‘s bassist, Aaron “Bubble” Patrick, was injured. I’m sorry to hear that, and I wish him a speedy recovery. But being the glass-half-full guy that I am,  I’m looking on the bright side: Their tour is on hold.

Gwar lead singer (and I use the term singer very, very loosely) got canned from Fox News because he pulled a stunt where he decapitated Sarah Palin, or something. Getting fired from that channel is a bit like getting fired as a janitor. If you’re not even good at the worst job in the world, what on Earth are you good at? I didn’t even know you had a job there, but I laugh at you, Oderus Urungus!

Chickenfoot bassist says new Chickenfoot album has ‘more meat.’ PETA are gonna have a blast with this band.

Alice In Chains are working on new music. That’s not the only bad news, they also use Heart‘s Ann Wilson as their PR agent. Ann called their new music ‘amazing,’ so that should give you a hint about her taste in music.

Sepultura‘s new album, Kairos, sold 2,500 copies in the U.S. in its first week of release. That’s 700 copies more than Megadeth‘s Peace Sells reissue. MAJORLOLZ.

And finally, Anthrax‘s upcoming studio effort, Worship Music, has a pre-order bundle ready. You know what that means? It means that if you pre-order it, you get a bundle of joy in your life. I’m as funny as Lady Gaga‘s small penis.

Today’s Dose of Metal will break the law

Since we told you what Rob Halford thinks of his band today, figured I’d ‘dose’ you with this classic. You know, the one song Rob doesn’t like to sing anymore, so he lets the crowd do it for him.

By the way, isn’t Judas Priest breaking the law if they’re marketing a tour as their last, even though it really isn’t? Just askin’…

Peace sells… But only 2,000 people are buying!

The numbers are in! The 25th Anniversary Reissue of Megadeth‘s classic album Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying? has underperformed. Only 1,800 copies were sold in the first week and no, Lars Ulrich’s liner notes didn’t help.

Frankly, today album sales are down, anyway, so I don’t know how bad Megadeth really did. I mean, some bands don’t sell albums at all, so who expects reissues to bring in the big numbers?

I’m not a big fan of reissues, really. The same album, just more expensive. You have to REALLY like that one album to buy its reissue, and as popular as Megadeth is, I’m sure just 1,800 diehard fans bought it, the rest of the metal community shrugged it off as just another milking strategy.

Oh and, if you’re wondering what Lars wrote, here it is:

“Whether you heard this record for the first time in 1986, or you hear this record for the first time today or tomorrow, Peace Sells is a great heavy metal album. Nothing more, nothing less. It has stood the test of time. And will continue to do so.“

Read the full article here.

“But who’s buying?” — in-fucking-deed.

Judas Priest = Ambassadors of British Heavy Metal

Rob Halford is pretty proud of his band and his legacy.  I’m sure he is, no way would any other genres allow him to dress the way he does, without being laughed at.

“We were there at the very beginning with Black Sabbath in the late 1960s, before the music was even called heavy metal. That phrase, though, when it was coined, has always been very dear to us, and that’s definitely the kind of band we are, and it’s the kind of music we play through and through. We’ve always felt like ambassadors of British heavy metal, and have always been very proud to tell the world we’re from the West Midlands.“

Oh, if you were still wondering about how ‘farewell’ was this ‘farewell tour’:

“We will be touring in the future, probably festivals and special events, but we won’t be doing these big gruelling tours. There will be a new album late next year, and there is going to be a boxset this year with various bits and pieces in it.”

Read full interview here.

So there it is. They still have an album in the works and you’ll still get a chance to see them live. I’ve actually seen them quite recently and all I can say is: they should keep touring.

Speaking of Mötley Crüe…

Whilst I don’t really like Mötley Crüe, because I hate their music and the band members annoy me, I’ve always kinda liked Tommy Lee. Not his solo music or anything, God, don’t even remind me of Methods of Mayhem or crap like that… But him, as a person.

I don’t know, maybe because he has a big dick. Or maybe  because he got to fuck Pamela Anderson in her prime. Or maybe because I got to watch him fuck Pamela Anderson in her prime, over and over again. Or maybe just because he comes across as a nice guy who seems to live life to the fullest, without giving a fuck about others. There’s something about him that makes me kinda like him (not in that way).

Anyway, here’s a bad quality clip of a female fan riding his roller coaster — Is it porn? Nope. Literally riding his roller coaster. Just watch the clip, will ya?

I think that’s pretty cool. Pointless, but cool.