Author Archives: Alex

Godsmack drummer denies mature BJ

I don’t know about you guys, but if there is a rumor that I got a blowjob from a chick, I keep that badboy alive, even if it isn’t true. Why? Cause when the rumor is that you got laid (or blown), you should take it as a compliment.

Despite having a girl’s name, Shannon Larkin of Godsmack denies getting his drumstick licked. Now, when you’re a guy and share your first name with countless Playboy centerfolds, you should use every heterosexual rumor out there in your favor. This reminds me of when Steven Tyler, who wears tight leather shit, denied a similar rumor.

Anyway, here’s what he told another chick about it.

“You may have to excuse the crudeness here, but all I can say about that is, she sucked somebody’s dick that day but it wasn’t mine. […] That was shocking even to me and I’ve had a lot of shit said about me over the years but I figure, if I cheat on my wife it’s not going to be with a 60-year old. Evidentially, she is really into drummers.“

Read full interview here.

Well if the ‘chick’ is 60, I sort of understand it, but hey, Shannon and Amy talked about it like girls, probably when they went to the bathroom together to powder their noses, so is all good, yo.

Fuck it, that 60 year old blew me. Yep, I closed my eyes, thought of Megan Fox and just did it. Took me a while to get it going, especially because I could feel her old gums rubbing against my johnson tube, but once I got past the awkwardness of seeing her ‘teeth’ sitting in a glass of water, I entered that rotten mouth like a German tank enters a Polish village. What, too soon?

Petrucci speaks, Portnoy releases iPhone app

According to John Petrucci, of Dream Theater, his band has the most incredibly passionate fans on the planet. I know this because he literally said “Dream Theater has the most incredibly passionate fans on the planet!”. Look:

“I have to say that Dream Theater has the most incredibly passionate fans on the planet!“

Read full interview here.

I’m willing to bet Mike Portnoy, who used to be in Dream Theater, is counting on those incredibly passionate fans to get his new iPhone app. Why would you get that app? Well, because it’s free. Why wouldn’t you get that app? Because it allows you to follow Mike on Twitter and Facebook and see his latest videos and photos. Yep, those are good reasons not to get it.

Aerosmith, working hard and hardly working

You might be wondering what the rest of Aerosmith is doing while Steven Tyler is busy playing Simon Cowell. Well, Joe Perry is in his studio with producer Jack Daniels Douglas and they’re apparently working.

Now, I haven’t watched the video above, but I trust it’s pretty good, so if you like this band, go ahead and stream it. I personally can’t be bothered, I just finished getting the latest episode of BangBus and you can take the redneck away from porn, but you can’t take porn away from the redneck.

Anyway, if this CD does come out (which I doubt), it will be their 14th studio effort (that I have ignored) and the first one in over 10 years. I don’t know about you, but the past 10 years have been pretty good to me, and Aerosmith never released anything. Coincidence? I think not, bitches.

Mordax have two new songs

Hey, remember Mordax? They’re one of the first bands we talked about on this site, and they have two new songs out, which you should definitely check out.

They’re from their upcoming album, Violence Fraud Treachery, a name which sounds metal as fuck.

Monarch Of All

Trademark Strangulation

More info on their MySpace page.

Corey Taylor hearts Justin Bieber

Okay, the title may be a bit misleading, but that’s what we do here — we mislead people.

You know that Justin Bieber / Slipknot mash-up clip? Make the jump to see it, if you don’t. It’s called ‘Psychosocial Baby’ and it’s pretty bad. And it’s not bad because it has Bieber in it, it’s bad because it has Bieber AND Slipknot in it. That’s like a double assault on your ears.

Corey loves it though. He finds it ‘beautiful’ and ‘fucking amazing,’ so that should give you a clue as to why Stone Sour sounds the way it does.

“I thought it was great. I was just like, ‘This is fucking beautiful.’ And the way it was put together… I mean, it was so pulled apart and put back together. [Laughs] I was like, ‘This is awesome!’ And so many kids were pissed off about it that it makes me laugh. I’m like, ‘This is fucking amazing!’

You either get it or you don’t. And that’s that thing, there’s that line. So many people take it way too seriously. It’s just like, ‘God, wear a helmet. Figure it out.’“

Full interview after the jump.

In fairness, the video is put together rather well. Clearly the person responsible for it has a lot of talent. So Corey is just praising the concept, not Bieber himself, right? Wrong:

“The thing that really bothers me about so many people who talk shit about Justin Bieber — and I’m not saying I’m a fan — but the kid’s got talent. He’s got more talent than a lot of the bands that are signed out there. And you may hear the Auto-Tuning in his voice, but he doesn’t need it. He can dance, he can play, he can sing… Whatever… I don’t care. My son and my niece may love him to death, but at the end of the day, it’s like, who am I to question their taste“

You tell ’em, Corey. Who do these assholes think they are, to question YOUR taste in pop music. You like Justin Bieber, that’s fine… Some people like Stone Sour, that’s fine as well. I’m more of a Britney guy myself, she used to be hot back in the day and all.

But hey, I’m being an asshole, right? Corey is just nice to this kid cause he’s 16, he wouldn’t just insult a young kid, right? Wrong:

“Now, if you wanna talk about Rebecca Black. If I hear that [Friday] song again, I will probably beat the shit out of a nun, I’m telling you right now. That song’s so bad. I mean, it’s insultingly bad. And the lyrics are something out of ‘Sesame Street’… ”C’ is for cooking, back seat, front seat…’ Are you kidding me? Get the fuck out of my face with that shit!“

Way to go, Corey. That 14 year old kid has to be put in her place. Don’t let her get away with her crappy lyrics. She will never be a brilliant lyricist and come up with stuff like “People = shit, whatcha’ gonna do? People = shit, cuz I’m not afraid of you.”

That would never be on Sesame Street. Interview clips and mash-up, right under the cut.