Author Archives: Alex

Pointless Ozzy video

OzTV is a clever contraction of Ozzy and TV, if you didn’t realize that, in which case you’re probably too stupid to know how to read to begin with, so I can say anything I want about your mother right now, like how she likes diseased cocks and shit.

Anyway, “the new OzTV episode is here!” is what I read and I looked at it and I couldn’t figure out just what the fuck it is about. It looks like a trailer for something. Ozzy is barely on screen, 5 seconds tops. What is this? Is this a subtle message or something?

Help a pimp out. Make the jump, see the video, explain to me what it’s supposed to mean.

You’ve got to be Shatning me…

William Shatner is working on an album with Ritchie Blackmore, Ian Paice, Zakk Wylde and Mike Inez. I’ll say it again, because I had to read it two times to believe it, also. William Shatner is working on an album with Ritchie Blackmore, Ian Paice, Zakk Wylde and Mike Inez.

Hey, April 1st is behind us guys, is this really happening?

I guess it is. According to Blabbermouth,

“Cleopatra Records has inked legendary actor William Shatner to a worldwide recording deal for a space-themed concept album entitled “Searching For Major Tom,” to be released later this year.  Comprised of 19 “interpretations” of classic intergalactic rock anthems.”

Read full article here.

Make the jump to see a video of Zakk Wylde recording ‘Iron Man.’ Be careful, it’s an assful of wah action.

Lady Gaga is a metalhead. Yawn.

Lady Gaga is beautiful, talented, original and legendary. The previous sentence comes true once you insert ‘not’ before each of those adjectives.

But between releasing horrible Nintendo-sounding pop songs, she occasionally dances to Metallica songs and shit.. All while wearing meat dresses and deformed sunglasses. She’s a genius, really.

So what do you think she tweeted as her ‘666th tweet’? Well, about Iron Maiden, of course.

‘The Number of the Beast. Having’ beers listening to Maiden w the New York Boys. Happy 666 Twitterland.’

Read tweet here.

Aww, isn’t that sweet? You like Maiden… That totally makes up for all the bad music you’ve subjected the public to for the last couple of years…

Hey! Alex song idea! “My my my Iron Maiden, my my Iron Maiden”  repeated over and over again and she wears a tinfoil suit while she performs this. Isn’t that just tremendously innovative and original? Wow, I hope she does that. She’s so great!

Stephen King hearts Metallica

Stephen King is a bit like Ozzy Osbourne. His 70s work is legendary but he’s done so much filler stuff since then, it’s hard to take him seriously nowadays. Which is probably why he doesn’t really like Ozzy or Black Sabbath. But instead loves Metallica.

“Metallica, Anthrax. I still listen to those guys … There’s a band called The Living Things that I like a lot. Very loud group. I never cared for Ozzy very much. [Black Sabbath] doesn’t really work for me. ‘I AM IRON MAN!’“

Read full interview here.

I don’t think anyone blames him for not being a huge Ozzy fan but making fun of Black Sabbath? Really? Ozzy should send an evil clown to haunt this guy…

When asked if he he’s honored by this statement, big horror fan Kirk Hammett had no comment. He just said ‘tee hee hee’ and wept.

The Famine has ended!

Bono, if you’re reading this, no, we’re not talking about actual famine… Unfortunately that’s still going on.

Texas-based death metal band The Famine called it quits though.

“In my mind, bands break up because Courtney Love kills their singer or because they can’t stand each other. Neither of those circumstances is descriptive of our situation. For us, life simply got in the way, as it often does.“

Read full statement here.

Isn’t it a bit wrong to call your band ‘The Famine‘ when three of your members are overweight? And then ending it because ‘life got in the way’? I can’t help but think real famine only ends when death gets in the way.  Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s like a band of midgets calling themselves “Standing Tall” or Linkin Park calling themselves “Analog music.”

And don’t even get me started on the random namedropping… Going out with a ‘bang,’ huh?

Goodbye!