Author Archives: Mark
5 albums to rock your weekend
Picture this: It’s a Saturday night, you’re all alone eating cold pizza, watching crappy television. Everyone else is out having a good night, and you’re home alone crying and using the tears as lubricant to masturbate with. Life couldn’t get any worse, right?
Wrong, you could be me. The picture above is of what is commonly known as a ‘female’. I’ve heard of them before, although I have yet to see or speak to one. But enough about that. If you’ve got nothing to do on this Saturday evening, why not join me as I list five perfect Metal albums that should brighten up your day.
So what are you waiting for? Make the jump in front of a car. I know I will soon.
Hear the new Man Must Die track
That’s right, you lucky fuckers, you can hear the brand new demo track, ‘Hiding in Plain Sight’, by Scotland’s Man Must Die.
“Wait, who are Man Must Die?” I hear you ask. They’re a Glaswegian Technical Death Metal act that were once signed to Relapse Records. Now they’re currently unsigned, but that isn’t stopping the band from progressing with their music.
You can listen to the song above. I kept it as a video, as it provides the lyrics and you’re going to need them, unless you are well accustomed to cookie monster language.
Five Finger Death Punch guitarist is a tough guy
It’s one of those lazy Saturdays where there’s fuck all to do, so here I am posting once again on Dose of Metal. That means I’ve already masturbated four times today and I’ve run out of things to do. Lucky you, you get to read another amazing post from me.
In the exciting world of Metal today, is an interview with the guitarist of Five Finger Death Punch, Zoltan, courtesy of Bloody-Disgusting.com. I don’t really know who the guitarist is, nor do I care, but a segment of the chat can be found below.
“we get a lot of flak from people who say, “This is bro metal,” or “This is tough-guy music.” And you know what?! Yeah! It’s like, fuck you! I don’t play music for the pussies. It IS tough-guy music!”
Source: Blabbermouth
Awesome, thanks for clearing that up Zoltan, but that doesn’t really quite justify why your music is so shit. By the way, what was Power Rangers like and was the pink ranger as hot as she seemed on telly?
A fear of The Darkness
I think they should call it Darknessphobia. Or how about people with good taste syndrome? In advance I’d also like to apologize to anyone that thought this post would be about Iron Maiden, you must be hugely disappointed.
Instead, I’m talking, of course, about that lame British Rock band, The Darkness, that gained much success at the start of the century for playing a ‘Pop’d’ up, simplistic by-numbers rendition of what vastly superior bands had been doing twenty-thirty plus years earlier.
For those that didn’t know (lucky you), the band reformed earlier this year, playing the main stage at the UK’s Download festival. Speaking with Total Guitar magazine, frontman Justin has announced that their comeback album is nearly finished. Oh yay…
Justin also reveals some of what he likes to get up to in his spare time.
“Do you cup the sack while administering said blowjob? Do you pop a finger up the arse? We have to decide how the happy ending goes.”
Wait, what? What’s that got to do with the new album?
[source: Blabbermouth]
Weekly Dose of Metal: Obituary
This week’s dose of Metal is Obituary, for no particular reason other than they kind of kick a lot of ass. Well more ass than I kick. Have you seen me? I couldn’t fight my way out of a paper bag.
Obituary are a North American Death Metal band, and as a reader of Dose of Metal, you should know that. You should also know that the band formed in the mid 80’s and are a fundamental act in the development of Death Metal music. A bit like I’m a fundamental person in the development of awesomeness.
The song ‘Don’t Care’ can be heard below and is taken from 1994’s World Demise. The song has been considered by many as a protest song against Man-made pollution. That’s not a very ‘Death Metal-y’ topic, but the song will desecrate your ears regardless.
