Author Archives: Simo

14 minutes and 41 seconds of fame

What you have a chance to see right now is Vegan Black Metal Chef. Yes, this guy’s into black metal and he’s also vegan. So he combined his love for cooking and his love for makeup “brutal” “music.” Yeah, the blood he uses when he goes heavy on the corspe paint is 100% organic ketchup. Not black metal enough, because we all know black metalheads only use fresh lamb blood, but we’ll let this one slide for the lulz. The video just went over 500.000 (half a million for you slow people) views, so it’s officially viral, and trendwhores we are, we have to report on it.

I’ll be honest — I actually laughed, especially when he pulled out the knife to cut the tofu, but soon after that I lost interest. Why? Well, the clip is almost 15 minutes long, which is 13.5 minutes too long. Not that I don’t love me some black metal, and I see this picking up some followers, even though it’s just a metal (good) but very cheaper (bad) version of Epic Meal Time. Epic on the internet isn’t equal to epic in the hobbit land, which this guy clearly confused, and I honestly don’t see this working for other than one or two more episodes. But who knows, he could do guests. Celebrity Vegan Black Metal Chef with Immortal, sounds good, right? Not to mention it would also be the first time they (Immortal) would appear in a decent quality video.

Glassjaw’s lucky break

Glassjaw have announced that they are moving away from traditional album releases. Why? Because pirates made them do it. Just kidding, read this:

“People are so hung up on us not having a full-length out that they’re overlooking the fact that record labels are becoming increasingly irrelevant, that full-length records are becoming irrelevant and the whole album/tour cycle is pretty irrelevant.”

Can’t really argue with anything said right there, except… These guys haven’t put out an album since 2002. They’ve actually waited for so long, they’ve lived to see a shift in the music industry. Not many bands get away that “easy.” But it makes you wonder, if Axl waited some more to release Chinese Democracy, he could have used the same excuse logic.

I guess down the line, internet song packs and EPs are the future (while pop music will probably be reduced to singles only), and don’t get me wrong, I hate albums which have 40% of filler material just as much as the next guy and I see the good side of this, but I still really like albums. Then again, I also like to watch donkey shows, so maybe I’m not the one to pass any judgment.

A test in logic

I just read an article about Seether listening to Sepultura before each of their shows (note the hair of who I believe is the singer), and I wanted to do a thought experiment. If they listen to Sepultura, and so do I, does that make them awesome, or does that make me awful? If it makes them soft, does it make me hard? You perv. If Amy Lee screwed their singer, yet she didn’t screw me, does that make him awful, or does that make me awesome? If this post lacks any actual logic, does it make a sound?

Sure it does. Make the jump.

Guitar Tivo

Hey you guitar geeks, had enough of YouTube? Some Justin Bieber fan disliked your video clip 34 times?
Two things: 1) Read this. 2) Go here.

What is the second thing? Here’s what my source had to say:

GuitarTV.com is a 24-hour interactive channel loaded with streaming videos of legendary guitar performances by some of the world’s most famous guitarists, interviews, lessons, live broadcasts, and more. GuitarTV.com is also a place for passionate fans of the instrument to connect with each other.

It’s done by Steve Vai and some other guy, and it’s got all sorts of interesting stuff. When I opened it, I saw Andy McKee playing his dick guitar (I’m not lying). Fun times, so check it out and let us know what you thought about it.

Something nu from Dan and Dave

Extra, extra! Read all about it: Dan Spitz and Dave Mustaine had a lunch together. Could this be the beginning of a beautiful relationship? And the end of any sort of quality journalism going on over here?

Well, seems that it is, because the original reporter presumes they had the lunch “after spending all night working at Mustaine‘s studio Vic’s Garage.” And I guess since this was reported on Monday, they spent the previous day praying in a church together somewhere. Harsh? The project’s called Red Lamb, so I think I get a pass.

To all of you not familiar, Dan Spitz, after re-joining and re-leaving Anthrax went on to focus on his personal business (check next Tuesday Trivia for more), but just like AIDS, once he picked up the guitar again, it was hard to remove from his body. So the shortlived project called DeuxMonkey was born, but it didn’t really go anywhere, because their singer left them last month and said he’s gonna sue their asses off if they use any of the stuff he wrote with them. Welcome Dave Mustaine, the savior, who has come in to pick the project up from the ground.

What can we expect form this? In Dave‘s words:

“I heard it and I just went, ‘Oh my God!’ It’s like a cross between, say, Disturbed, Soundgarden and Rage Against The Machine kind of thing. Little bit of some smatterings of Anthrax because of the speed stuff, but it’s much more modern and much more heavy sounding.”

So, not much really. Need I remind which band is Dan‘s favorite? I will. Next Tuesday, bitches.