Author Archives: Simo
Bang your head, Scotty
William Shatner is not only known for his role of Captain Kirk’s mask in the Halloween movie franchise. He’s pretty much not known at all, because Star Trek got a reboot and our target audience grew up listening to Linkin Park and watching Friends, the greatest sci-fi TV show of all times. Seriously, a guy like Ross would never bang Rachel in real life.
I kid (about William Shatner). He’s a cool dude, and he just got cooler in our little black book. Why? Well, he’s making a new album (and yes, he makes albums), one themed around heavy metal and space (just like Fear Factory, they make heavy metal and take a lot of space), and it’s announced members of Black Label Society, Queen and Deep Purple are involved. He will also receive an Honorary Headbanger award at the Revolver Golden Gods award. What a guy.
Trapped under mosh
The band I’ll be talking about in this post is called Trapped Under Ice, hence the witty title. I think I’m a good candidate for the next metal’s biggest joke awards. The bad thing, I just heard Corey Taylor is most likely going to win that one.
Awful puns aside, what is going on in the clip above? I honestly had no idea when I watched it, but I read the text which explains it. The only reason I’m posting this is because I found the singer’s mid air girl power kick at the beginning of the video funny.
And speaking of Corey Taylor, make the jump to see an exclusive preview of his next project.
Adler lost his Appetite
Poor Steven Adler, he just can’t get a break. Not only are Axl and the remaining (former) Guns N’ Roses members not returning his phone calls, now the singer and guitarist for Adler’s Appetite have quit the band. And the worst of all, the 80s called and said they want their hair back.
Actually, this last one might be a good thing.
All aboard the Corey train
What did I tell you? Well, I told you a lot of things, but what did I tell you about Corey Taylor? Okay, a lot of bad things. Hint hint, read my last Top 10.
Anywho, Corey Taylor is starting his routine, pumping up the upcoming summer Slipknot shows. In a recent interview with somebody, he said he is “scared to death.” Of what exactly? Did he officially lose his balls and can’t sing Slipknot songs anymore? Is he scared he’s alienating his teeny pop audience by wearing a mask and hiding his pretty face? Nope. He’s scared to play with them because of the “emotion.”
“I’m scared to death. I’m nowhere near prepared for the emotion that’s going to happen. That first show is really going to be the test. That tour for the most part is going to be a test. It’s very hard, man… It’s still reverberating through my life… We’re coming up to the year anniversary of his death, and I still can’t [expletive] handle it.”
Oh [expletive] [expletive] Corey [expletive] [expletive] rubbing [expletive] monkey balls [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] in his face. We all know the emotion is going to be “Holy shit look at this money” and the test is going to be “Can I stand these guys enough to make another album with them?” and the answer will be “Yes.” You decide if it’s a good thing or not.
Tommy Lee is taking a new role
Reality TV/reality sex-tape star Tommy Lee has a new exciting role… In a reality TV show. News reports are saying Tommy Lee is fulfilling his life-long dream of portraying Nancy Drew on camera, in a new series that “attempts to uncover various rituals, symbols, and other mysteries of secret societies.”
“This is the first show that I’ve been a part of that will blow our minds and reveal things that will explain almost all our questions.” -Lee
As opposed to what? The previous shows that only answered some of our questions? Okay, so Lee must have answered questions like “Is there a god?,” and “What’s the purpose of life?,” so we’re left with the more important shit like:
- How come you are still around?
- How come you got famous in the first place?
- Did you ever faint after getting a boner? I imagine your cock sucks up half of your blood.
