Author Archives: Simo
Ozzy the old fart
“Ozzy Osbourne was once banned from his daughter Kelly’s school in England after farting and falling asleep in the middle of a parent/teacher interview.
Kelly was horrified when her dad decided to join mom Sharon for a meeting with school officials about her grades because Ozzy is known for passing gas and dozing off in public.
Kelly revealed during an appearance on “The Wendy Williams Show” earlier today (September 29), ‘It was me, my mom, my dad, my teacher at the table. All he kept doing is lifting his (butt) cheek (from the chair), and then he fell asleep!”
Usually this would be the part where I insert a joke comparing Ozzy’s farts to his recent singing, but since I can’t think of a worse way to embarrass your child, all I can say is: props!
Shadows Fall online
It could be just me, but the post title would make a totally good name for a geeky MMORPG, right? Nevermind… Shadows Fall, the band best known for its great musical skills singer’s long ass fucking hair, has posted A Public Execution online, a song from their upcoming live CD/DVD Madness In Manila: Shadows Fall Live In The Philippines 2009 (just look at this title, can it be any longer? are these guys trying to compensate for something?) and you can listen to it and see the track listing after the jump.
Dee Snider has made it
Guess what? Dee Snider’s biggest prayer, ever since he first stole and tried his sister’s make up and prom dress, has finally been answered: he’s doing a show on Broadway! Even though Twisted Sister can already be classified as a drag act so we don’t see what the big deal is, everyone here at Dose of Metal is still happy for the guy, because a 35 year audition is hard work.
The deal has been confirmed, and he’ll be joining the Rock of Ages cast for a 10-week run. You can see a medley performance of it from this summer’s America’s Got Talent show if you continue reading (don’t worry, it features Dee in his male persona, so it’s safe to watch even if there are children or people with heart condition in the room with you).
Dr. Ozzy
Here’s a post you don’t see everyday. It’s written on a website whose name could be interpreted medically, it’s written by a (very bad) pharmacy student, and it’s about a (very bad) former reality TV star and musician giving tips on home medicine.
In his health column for Britain’s Sunday Times Magazine (Wait, what? He has his health column? That’s like a pedophile teaching a kindergarten class on how to behave when they meet a stranger…), Ozzy Osbourne writes (and some website reports), “Funnily enough, in the 1980s I used to cure athlete’s foot by pouring cocaine on my toes. They cut the stuff with so much foot powder back then, it was the best treatment you could find if you had an outbreak on the road. The only problem was the price, which was around $3,000 a toe.”
So, if you have problems with athlete’s foot and some spare change, you can treat yourself, Ozzy style. Now all you need is a bat to chew its head on, and you can feel what it used be like in his skin back in the 80’s.
Continue reading for more home chemistry tips. Just make sure you don’t blow off your fingers.
Mike Shinoda is calling out people on the internet
Now, before I even start, I know, the only metal we can associate with Linkin Park is the daily requirement of iron and zinc their band members have to take in order to stay alive (too bad, right?). So why mention them you might ask? Well, we’re a humorous site, and the articles on Linkin Park tend to write themselves.
Or in this case, by Mike Shinoda. It seems that it’s not enough that all the sell out established journalists are praising their “concept” album A Thousand Suns, because Mike wants more. So if you write a fan review on iTunes and rate the album badly, prepare to be taught a lesson by the big man himself. Quite hypocritical for a band who traded their teenage angst for the U2-inspired “bringers of world piece” image. Live and let live, isn’t that right, Mike?
Read more after the jump.
