Friday Top 10: Replacements for Lars Ulrich

We’ve all fantasized about Metallica having a different drummer… Maybe a faster one, a more technical one, one that doesn’t sue Napster, that sort of thing.

Since they were supposed to perform tonight in India but didn’t, I have ten suggestions for you guys. Ten impressive drummers who would probably own behind a proper kit.

This is a bit different, you’ll see, but it will instantly remind you of St. Anger.

Without further ado, here are my top 10 recommendations for Metallica‘s drummer spot — should it ever be vacant.

Machine Head also release music video

Machine Head released a video for their song ‘Locust,’ off their Unto The Locust album which our very own Guido reviewed. Unlike Trivium’s album, MH’s effort got a maximum score on our site, which either means it’s really good, or we’re really dumb.

So what’s the video about? Hmm, let’s see. It starts with some shots reminiscent of Metallica‘s “Unforgiven II” video. Then we see some closeup of a locust mutating (or something) and all hell breaks loose with insects, Hitchcock style!

That’s about it, really. The locusts reach the band at some point, but they keep performing… It’s probably a metaphor for illegal downloading. I got that from the millions of insects which probably represent millions of downloads, and they BUG (get it? GET IT? HAHA) the shit out of the band, but they keep going on, anyway. But at the end, they get destroyed by it anyway, because illegal downloading is bad and it ruins musicians.

Okay, so it’s probably not that, but I like to misinterpret music videos so I don’t have to admit to myself how awful they really are. I guess I should have learned by now.

Patience, young grasshopper — pun definitely intended.

Metallica’s India concert got postponed

Hey, remember this piece of news? Well, the day had come for Metallica to perform in India for the first time, but wouldn’t you know it… They didn’t.

They call it ‘technical difficulties.’ I call it ‘Kirk had waaaay too much curry!’ — But ultimately, it’s the same thing.

Fortunately for the fans, the concert wasn’t canceled, just postponed until tomorrow. Unless tomorrow it really gets canceled, then it’s bad. But still, fans have traveled from all over India and stood in line for hours, only to find out nothing is happening. It must suck.

I was fortunate enough to never go to a gig and find out it has to be canceled. But every gig is a physical effort for my fat ass, so I can understand the frustration of having to stand up for hours and get all excited, only to find out you’re going home.

A fan-filmed video of the chaos that ensued (wasn’t that bad though, I think) after the jump.

Clown compares Iowa to Kubrick classic

Shawn Crahan, also known as that clown in Slipknot who does nothing, was interviewed by ArtistDirect about Iowa‘s 10th anniversary.

When asked what movie he’d compare the album to, this is what he answered:

“I would say, not necessarily The Shining, but if you can imagine that child running through the maze at night with the snow falling and back-stepping his footprints to trick his father. It’s not so much the movie itself. However, think about this kid running through a maze. I guess the metaphor would be life and having forces out of control, which would be the weather. It’s deep snow coming down. It’s freezing. You’ve got to fight all of this. He’s running.“

Read full article here.

What? Maze, running, snow? WTF???

I like ‘The Shining’ as much as the next guy, but except for the mild similarities between Jack Nicholson swinging that axe and this Clown swinging his bat on stage, nothing else about Slipknot is comparable to Kubrick’s masterpiece.

Sorry.

Pretentious scale: all time high.

Most of Lulu was written in 4 days

Metallica and Lou Reed seem to be doing a bit of press for their new effort, and I use the term ‘effort’ loosely, because wouldn’t you know it? It took them like half a week to put the whole thing together.

Watch the interview above. Around the 0:35 mark, Lars starts talking about how long it took them to make this CD.

Just four days, huh? Wow, what a surprise. It’s not like the music sounds completely random and out of touch with reality or anything…