Tag Archives: Machine Head

Top 5: Machine Head albums

Today isn’t Friday, so it’s a good job this is just a top 5 and not a top 10, isn’t it? Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah. It’s Thursday, Thursday. Gotta get down on Thursday. It’s top 5 time bitchez with some Machine fucking Head.

So why not top 10? Well besides the fact I’m incredibly lazy and only have a short amount of time I can masturbate in, Machine Head don’t even have 10 albums.

So without a further ado, I present to you the top 5 Machine Head albums. Make the machine fucking jump.

Machine Headshot

Phil Demmel, Machine Head‘s guitarist, got a shoe to his machine head two days ago in Belgium. Then he got pissed and walked off.

Some dumbass threw it, and he’s either a really good thrower, or a very lucky one. Either way, I don’t endorse throwing shit at shows, but I do endorse capital punishment for people who do that. Still, the jokes I could write about the word ‘head’ in the band’s name and the shoe that hit it… Damn… This is a goldmine.

Anyway, I wanted to take that video and add the most appropriate sound effect ever, but I am way too lazy. So here, play this exactly as the shoe hits his head:

Source: Blabbermouth

Machine Head threaten to ruin my birthday

When it comes to Machine Head, I’m like the girl who puts up with years of physical and emotional abuse because she knows that, deep down, he’s the same man she fell in love with during that amazing summer they shared like 20 years ago.   Because I’m still hoping for 1994 Robb Flynn to sweep me off my feet and tell me everything is going to be OK, I always try to see Machine Head when they come to my city.  So it goes without saying that I was excited to see this on Blabbermouth the other day:

San Francisco Bay Area metallers Machine Head will embark on a North American headlining tour…

Hey, they’re coming to town on my birthday!  Sweet!  Wait… what was the rest of that press release?

…with support from Suicide Silence, Darkest Hour and Rise To Remain.

Shit.  I didn’t see that coming.  Let’s see what we’re working with here (after the jump).

Kerrang count down heaviest albums ever. Metalheads laugh.

In the news this week (well, not really news, but certainly lulz worthy), the UK’s Kerrang magazine has counted down what they consider to be the 50 heaviest albums of all time. Now, I haven’t read the full list, but looking at the top 10, the list is pretty damn shit. To be honest though, I’m just surprised My Chemical Romance, Paramore and Green Day (and yes, I didn’t bold those names for a reason) didn’t make the cut (and thank God).

The Guardian (a British broadsheet for those that don’t know) have posted an article in regards to the top 10, and that’s where I have got my information from.

10. Machine Head – Burn My Eyes
9. The Beatles – The White album
8. Sleep – Jerusalem/Dopesmoker
7. Electric Wizard – Dopethrone
6. Discharge – Hear Nothing See Nothing Say Nothing
5. Napalm Death – Scum
4. Mastodon – Leviathan
3. Slipknot – Iowa
2. Converge – Jane Doe
1. Slayer – Reign in Blood

So onto my thoughts…

Well, firstly, The Beatles is an obvious WHAT THE FUCK? You’re trying to be ‘abstract’ and ‘quirky’ with your definition of “heavy”, I get it, I really do. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think ‘heaviness’ is necessarily defined by who can play the fastest and loudest to the point of it being simply noise (a top 10 filled with underground Death Metal bands that play to 60 people a night would be boring), but this is just wrong.

Next… No Metallica? Actually, good.

No Black Sabbath? List has failed completely now. I need not say any more… But I will, because I like the sound of my own voice (or words… only words don’t make a sound).

But, kudos for the inclusion of Napalm Death‘s Scum.

Iowa? That was the heaviest album I had ever heard when it came out. However, I was only 14 then. I assume (nay, hope) that the editors of Kerrang are not 14.

Slayer number one with Reign in Blood? I don’t know if I’d put it at number one, but I guess I’d defend its position in the top 10.

Everything else: Erm no, not really. Perhaps DoM should post its own Top 10 heaviest albums of all time (not me though, I listen to Spice Girls in my spare time).

Machine Head also release music video

Machine Head released a video for their song ‘Locust,’ off their Unto The Locust album which our very own Guido reviewed. Unlike Trivium’s album, MH’s effort got a maximum score on our site, which either means it’s really good, or we’re really dumb.

So what’s the video about? Hmm, let’s see. It starts with some shots reminiscent of Metallica‘s “Unforgiven II” video. Then we see some closeup of a locust mutating (or something) and all hell breaks loose with insects, Hitchcock style!

That’s about it, really. The locusts reach the band at some point, but they keep performing… It’s probably a metaphor for illegal downloading. I got that from the millions of insects which probably represent millions of downloads, and they BUG (get it? GET IT? HAHA) the shit out of the band, but they keep going on, anyway. But at the end, they get destroyed by it anyway, because illegal downloading is bad and it ruins musicians.

Okay, so it’s probably not that, but I like to misinterpret music videos so I don’t have to admit to myself how awful they really are. I guess I should have learned by now.

Patience, young grasshopper — pun definitely intended.