Tag Archives: Mark Rants

Hannah Montana goes Metal

I don’t really know what the fuck this is. Am I still drunk? Have I slipped into some insane hallucination after drinking too much absinthe? Or maybe this is one of those wet dreams, because I can now legally fancy Miley Cyrus. Fuck knows.

Regardless, Metal Hammer recently posted some live video of Miley Cyrus with a backing instrumental that wouldn’t sound out of place in a Testament song. Is it good? No, it sounds like shit. That’s why I just muted it and played sleeping beauty instead.

My thoughts on: The Haunted

Let’s imagine for a second, you hear a band’s name, but you haven’t yet heard their music. How do you know if they’re shit or not? One friend I had in high school had one very simple theory. “Are they a ‘the’ band?” he would ask. You may be wondering what he means by this, but it’s very simple. My friend used to think that all bands that start with the word ‘the’ were shit, and he wasn’t far wrong. The Strokes, The Kooks, The Hives, The Killers; all of these bands are utter horse crap, as you probably know all too well. Theory proved? Well, all theories have their flaws, however, and The Haunted are this theory’s  flaw.

Read on for my thoughts on this Swedish Thrash band.

Party recommendation: Municipal Waste

Municipal Waste are a Thrash Metal band from Richmond, Virginia, that formed way back in 2001. I saw them live a few years back, in fact, it must have been about 3 or 4 now, and they were an absolute delight live. Translation; they knew how to fuck things up. And I mean that in a good way, not in a bad way like how Aaron Lewis of Staind forgets half his lyrics on stage. Or like how he forgets to write music that doesn’t suck.

Municipal Waste know how to write some good party Metal, as you can guess from the name of their 2007 album The Art of Partying, in which the song above is taken from. In fact, to tell the truth, I’m only posting this because I’m intoxicated right now. So blast Sadistic Magician, before I try to drunkenly try to seduce your dead cat or something.

If you’re sick of the usual party garbage, then Municipal Waste are a great alternative.

Friday Top 10: Metal breakdowns

Nowadays it’s fairly difficult to view breakdowns in a good light. As Metal has developed in the 21st century, the divergence of Hardcore influences into Metal has grown, and with it, has brought a whole heap of clichés that have disgusted a major section of the Metal community. One of those overused clichés is the breakdown. How many Metal bands these days rely purely on breakdowns in order to create “heavy” music? Way too many. Some bands are so shit, they don’t even bother writing songs. They just write 3 minutes of breakdowns and then call that a song *cough* Emmure *cough*

It wasn’t always like that though. There was once a time when Metal had some awesome breakdowns, and in fact, some bands still write some brilliant breakdowns. Whether they be epic instrumental passages, or those awesome thrashy breakdowns, some of the best Breakdowns can be found in this week’s Top 10 Friday. So forget those shitty Deathcore/Metalcore bands, and instead why not check out my list after the jump. Does the above image mean Megadeth may get a mention? There’s only one way to find out…

Metal goes gaga

If, like me, you’re actually a closet Pop fan (I’m also a closet homosexual, but now’s not the time for that), you may just enjoy this Metalized cover of Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance by a band known as Leander. I’d love to say I actually know who they are, BTW, but I don’t. In a perfect world, I’d know who Leander are, and not who Lady Gaga is, but oh well.

In other news, I’m still hoping Lady Gaga will join Anthrax.